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Dear Mr. Ruffian, Stay away from everyone; Your knave manner And rapscallion banter Is the reprobate slander — you spew. Your cad ranting And hooligan scanting Is pure wretchedness — times two! Good lord this is becoming a zoo. You will quickly depart, With your scalawag heart, To a rope waiting to set you free — It’s hanging on the nearest tree. P.S. You can now see, The friends that you pleased While fulfilling your lust and sleaze. Sincerely, Mr. Cemetery